Stop F*cking Nodding and other things 16 year olds say in therapy (PCCS Books, 2022)
This book is for anyone who knows, loves, is baffled by, or wants to help someone who is, has been, or is going to be 16. Sixteen is where anything can happen and often does; the eye of the storm of adolescence, filled with demands, challenges, turbulence and passion. This book is written for psychotherapists, but also for parents, teachers and anyone who has an interest in how the teenage mind works. Jeanine Connor draws on her 25 years of experience as a psychotherapist specialising in children and young people to paint vivid vignettes. These nine stories capture and explore the key themes and challenges in this demanding and rewarding work: sex, gender, identity, body image, self-esteem, depression, loneliness, difference, loss and despair. But also the humour, quirkiness and mercurial charm of her young clients, brought to life through frank dialogue, deft description and quick-fire repartee.
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Reviews and endorsements
‘…a gift to therapists, and indeed anyone who works with teenagers, or who parents them, or has one in their life.’
Graham Music, Consultant Psychotherapist, Tavistock Centre
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‘… engaging, honest and courageous… Prepare to laugh out loud and simultaneously have your heart in your mouth at the same.’
Jo Holmes, Children, Young People and Families Lead, BACP
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'Absolute gem of a book. What I love most about her writing is the simplicity with which she explains complex theory; she knows and models her craft effortlessly. At times messy, touching and funny, this refreshingly honest exploration of a therapist's process, the workings of the teen mind and the power of the therapeutic relationship is one to read.'
Caz Binstead, Integrative Psychotherapist
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...what struck me most about this author’s approach to working with 16-year-olds was the openness, interest, respect, warmth and empathy she rightly brings to each and every one. Connor is thoughtful, optimistic, insightful and compassionate – exactly how I’d want a therapist to be if it was my 16-year-old sitting in front of them. Nick Campion, Integrative Psychotherapist
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Written in a real, human, easy to understand way but with proper psychological theory woven through the stories of teens in therapy. A beautiful behind the scenes view of what happens in the therapy room from an experienced therapist. Amazon review
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This book is a real, down-to-earth account if the author’s work with a variety of teens. She recounts their stories with compassion and humanity. Worth a read if you work in the field, or with young people in any context. Amazon review
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I found Connor’s honest approach to challenging subjects very accessible as a reader who has not studied psychotherapy. Amazon review
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This is a touching, honest, compassionate, and informative book. It offers a valuable insight into the process of therapy and a ‘window in’ to the adolescent’s psyche. Amazon review
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'...such a useful and readable book. Lots of moments of realisation about young people. I would say a must read for any therapist working with young people, after or during training.' Amazon review
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Contents
- Psychotherapy with children, young people and families
- Fantasy and lies
- Labelling children and young people
- Sex
- Identity
- Play
- Endings and loss
Description
Therapy referrals for a child or young person can be motivated for a number of reasons. The parents, carers or professionals responsible for their wellbeing might describe a sudden change in presentation, risk taking behaviour, such as self-harm or experimentation with drugs, alcohol or sex, or they might label the young person as over reacting, under reacting or attention seeking. Such behaviour prompts concern for their safety and confusion about why the child or young person is presenting the way they are. This book offers a thoughtful approach to making sense of such behaviour and encourages adults to ‘reflect on’ rather than ‘react to’ young peoples’ outward presentations.
Based on the author’s work with children, young people and families over two decades, this book shares reflections from the therapy room and illustrates how the therapist can try to make sense of mood, behaviour and presentations that previously made no sense. The content relies heavily on clinical experience as well as drawing on classical and contemporary psychotherapeutic literature.
So often adults find themselves reacting to observable behaviour in a judgmental or punitive way, rather than pausing to consider what the behaviour might be communicating. The author aims to model a thoughtful reflective approach to making sense of what might be going on for children and young people and this book will be of great interest to child and adolescent psychotherapists, related professionals and those with an interest in young persons’ mental health.
Reviews and endorsements
This honest, bold and frank book shining a light on the client-therapist relationship... the beautiful chapter on endings, which will leave you wanting more. Michelle Higgins, Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist
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This powerful, concentrated book captures the essence of psychodynamic practice with children, young people and their families. Connor decries lazy labelling and eschews the fairy-tale ending; rather, she leaves threads so the reader – whether student, experienced practitioner or, indeed, parent – can explore, quarrel with and unravel her insightful interpretations and interventions. Catherine Jackson, Editor, BACP Therapy Today
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For any aspiring therapist working with children and young people, this book demonstrates how to be both firm and kind, how to combine clear theoretical thinking with human compassion and a flexibility of approach. This is an accessible, unpretentious book, distilling many years of wise practice with young clients. Nick Luxmoore, Psychotherapist, Supervisor, Trainer and Author
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